I have a jane/caliborn AU where jane is an immortal life granting maiden that hops around in history undoing the deaths of people who aren’t supposed die/ died because a time user decided to kill someone for fun because  she is pretty much life
and caliborn is an assholish timelord that keeps killing people so that she’ll have to clean up his mess 
jane pretty much keeps getting summoned to watch him and she just wants to smack him for being a wad

I have a jane/caliborn AU where jane is an immortal life granting maiden that hops around in history undoing the deaths of people who aren’t supposed die/ died because a time user decided to kill someone for fun because  she is pretty much life

and caliborn is an assholish timelord that keeps killing people so that she’ll have to clean up his mess 

jane pretty much keeps getting summoned to watch him and she just wants to smack him for being a wad

escl-uwu

JOHNKAT STORY TIME

escl-uwu:

I just found a bunch of notes on a johnkat first meeting story kinda sorta

where john remembers karkat from the game because of god tier and karkat does not

but they were at the point where they were gonna have sloppy makeouts all over kinds of intimate before they rebooted

 through shenanigans karkat winds up going to some talent show  and john walks up on stage

sets up his piano 

THEN ASKS THE CROWD TO REQUEST A SONG

OF course he picks karkat

and so Karkat asks him to play ‘drops of juniper’

so john winks at him and is like sure then starts to play the song

and at first it’s really nice and it’s like he is singing right at karkat 

and karkat is really flustered by it until john gets past the chorus and doesn’t know any of the fucking words and it is worse that the green day eye of the tiger recording

and john has the crowd in tears by the end and tells him that was the opening to his comedy act and proceeds with said act

karkat has never been so sour 

John keeps side eyeing him the whole time and when the end of his performance he decides to poof away with all his equipment and sit right next to karkat with a shit eating grin

but doesn’t say anything until dave sits at the table and introduces them to each other

but john is like ” I already know who he is, inside and out” and laughs

karkat is so pissed off

 they eventually have a series of pissing contests until karkat realizes that john wasn’t trying to be an asshole he was trying to get in his fucking quadrants through petty rivalry and it fucking worked 

it makes karkat really mad that he knows everywhere he is sensitive 

and he claws john to hell to retaliate

so skip a bunch of shenanigans 

they flip flush 

and john decides to sleepily whisper the lyrics to drops of jupiter perfect in his ear and karkat punches him in his face

with his lips

softly

with giggling

escl-uwu

escl-uwu:

AS A PART OF THE JOHNKAT + DAD AND A BABY NOTES THERE ARE A LOT OF JOHNKAT ONLY PARTS IN THE BEGINNING

LIKE

KARKAT WANTS JOHN TO TOUCH HIS RUMBLE SPHERES, BUT JOHN FUCKING AVOIDS THEM LIKE THE PLAGUE FOREVER

BECAUSE JOHN DOESN’T WANT HIM TOUCHING ON HIS CHEST IN RETURN CAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL WEIRD

like ew karkat don’t touch them I dislike that

SO KARKAT ONE DAY HAS ENOUGH OF THE SKITTERY FINGERS PLAYING WITH HIS STOMACH AND GETS UPSET

AND ASKS

"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM?"

"ARE YOU AFRAID THAT THEY’RE GONNA SPIT ACID OR SOMETHING CAUSE THEY DON’T DO THAT JOHN JUST FUCKING TOUCH THEM THEY DON’T BITE"

AND KARKAT IS UPSET BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS JOHN TO TOUCH THEM CAUSE HIS HANDS ARE NICE AND HE HAS WET DREAMS ABOUT IT A LOT 

JOHN DOESN’T REALIZE THIS WAS A SEXUAL THING UNTIL HE DECIDED TO WATCH ONE OF KARKAT’S OLD ROMCOMS WHERE THERE WAS A CHEST GROPING SCENE AND THE LEAD BASICALLY STARTED MAKING LAWNMOWER NOISES 

AND HE SAT DOWN AND SERIOUSLY HAD TO ASK HIMSELF IF HE HAD EVER HEARD KARKAT MAKE LOUD LAWNMOWER NOISES 

John calls rose and asks if trolls can make the lawnmower noises 

and she tells him that they make the lawnmower noises 

so when john gets home from work he crawls in bed behind karkat and decides to squeeze on his chest 

and karkat winds up making a huge stain on the bed because he wasn’t ready

AND HE MAKES THE LAWNMOWER NOISES WHICH JOHN IS VERY PLEASED ABOUT.

WHEN JOHN GETS HIS BILATERAL MASTECTOMY AND IT’S ALL HEALED HE LETS KARKAT TOUCH ON HIS CHEST TOO

AND KARKAT SAYS IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS GRUBSCARS

john pretty much figures out that karkat’s pecs are actually squishy and soft and has a shit eating grin about it

like the michelin marshmallow man

escl-ert
escl-ert:

escl-ert:

After Jane’s initial anger and resentment towards the marriage subsides she begins to fall into a state of depression where she avoids her husband and lays around in the room with all the preserved heads of her  friends and family.
She doesn’t have the energy or enthusiasm to dress herself, she goes for long periods of time without eating only to gorge herself when she reaches her breaking point.
Jane sleeps for most of the day trying to dream of a better time and place, but it’s always restless and nightmarish. 
All the while Caliborn begins to understand that something isn’t right and that humans aren’t made to be alone, their race is heavily dependent on interactions between one another (unlike his own).
In the beginning he was glad that Jane had been so hateful and violent towards him, the constant strife kept him from remembering that they were the last living organisms alive in radius to the sun.
He liked that they kept the balance of animosity towards another, in a sense it left him satisfied that he could use his natural instincts in the courtship process, but as Jane begins to ‘lose the bite’ to her appeal, he begins to feel that he might have done something wrong.
Caliborn tries to put himself through the ‘depraved’ stylings of human courtship, but these tactics fail just as badly as the caliginous type.
So he begins to invite himself into her space just to stave off the loneliness all around them and little by little she begins to notice when he’s around.
In the mornings he helps her get dressed (she draws the line at him helping her to wash up, but he stays by the door). He brushes her hair that has matted into a rats nest.  Invites her to have sweets with him or if she’s feeling a bit snippy to ‘CONSuME THE FLESH OF MEAT ANIMALS’, which may or may not make her laugh.
Little by little she begins to get used to her life (sometimes she cries when she’s by herself).  They also begin to physically bump into one another every few days, neither of them think to get around this problem because it helps them remember that they still have to be there for each other. If either of them died or went away the other would be at the epitome of loneliness and would have no one to look towards for comfort besides those who had died decades ago.  

For those who were curious about how this whole story ends, it’s opened ended with a life changing decision being presented to the heroine in her state of acceptance.
In a state of weakness Caliborn writes (a poorly written) letter with the details of a carefully calculated plan regarding Jane and her immortal/death proof state that scratch cursed her with and how she can get it removed. Written within the letter he tells her not to mention the plan to his present person because it would cause a temporal conflict and to sit in his cloak closet at a certain time and date.  This deal is a one time offer.
If she complies with his orders he will return her to a time where scratch hadn’t killed condy and left jane to accept the spoils of her conquest with the condition that she would have the memories of the centuries that she had  spent with him. Unknown to Jane this option leads her on the path  towards having to slaughter her husband and the death of a mortal life.
The second option of not accepting the proposal changes her opinion of her husband in a slight way, nothing drastic, but all together makes her feel odd about the way their relationship runs and how it will run until the end of time.
The third  option is only applicable if Jane decides to completely ignore the letter and continue to go on without knowing the choice that she had had. This results in Caliborn, being married for over a millenia,suddenly  telling his wife that if she wanted she could have taken off the ring to die from the point where she saw the letter and that she was free to go if she wished. 
All of these options result in the same answer.

escl-ert:

escl-ert:

After Jane’s initial anger and resentment towards the marriage subsides she begins to fall into a state of depression where she avoids her husband and lays around in the room with all the preserved heads of her  friends and family.

She doesn’t have the energy or enthusiasm to dress herself, she goes for long periods of time without eating only to gorge herself when she reaches her breaking point.

Jane sleeps for most of the day trying to dream of a better time and place, but it’s always restless and nightmarish. 

All the while Caliborn begins to understand that something isn’t right and that humans aren’t made to be alone, their race is heavily dependent on interactions between one another (unlike his own).

In the beginning he was glad that Jane had been so hateful and violent towards him, the constant strife kept him from remembering that they were the last living organisms alive in radius to the sun.

He liked that they kept the balance of animosity towards another, in a sense it left him satisfied that he could use his natural instincts in the courtship process, but as Jane begins to ‘lose the bite’ to her appeal, he begins to feel that he might have done something wrong.

Caliborn tries to put himself through the ‘depraved’ stylings of human courtship, but these tactics fail just as badly as the caliginous type.

So he begins to invite himself into her space just to stave off the loneliness all around them and little by little she begins to notice when he’s around.

In the mornings he helps her get dressed (she draws the line at him helping her to wash up, but he stays by the door). He brushes her hair that has matted into a rats nest.  Invites her to have sweets with him or if she’s feeling a bit snippy to ‘CONSuME THE FLESH OF MEAT ANIMALS’, which may or may not make her laugh.

Little by little she begins to get used to her life (sometimes she cries when she’s by herself).  They also begin to physically bump into one another every few days, neither of them think to get around this problem because it helps them remember that they still have to be there for each other. If either of them died or went away the other would be at the epitome of loneliness and would have no one to look towards for comfort besides those who had died decades ago.  

For those who were curious about how this whole story ends, it’s opened ended with a life changing decision being presented to the heroine in her state of acceptance.

In a state of weakness Caliborn writes (a poorly written) letter with the details of a carefully calculated plan regarding Jane and her immortal/death proof state that scratch cursed her with and how she can get it removed. Written within the letter he tells her not to mention the plan to his present person because it would cause a temporal conflict and to sit in his cloak closet at a certain time and date.  This deal is a one time offer.

If she complies with his orders he will return her to a time where scratch hadn’t killed condy and left jane to accept the spoils of her conquest with the condition that she would have the memories of the centuries that she had  spent with him. Unknown to Jane this option leads her on the path  towards having to slaughter her husband and the death of a mortal life.

The second option of not accepting the proposal changes her opinion of her husband in a slight way, nothing drastic, but all together makes her feel odd about the way their relationship runs and how it will run until the end of time.

The third  option is only applicable if Jane decides to completely ignore the letter and continue to go on without knowing the choice that she had had. This results in Caliborn, being married for over a millenia,suddenly  telling his wife that if she wanted she could have taken off the ring to die from the point where she saw the letter and that she was free to go if she wished. 

All of these options result in the same answer.