escl-uwu

johnkat + dad story time

escl-uwu:

one year dad decides to replace the baskets for easter with pails because they could hold a lot more candy and it was karkat’s first easter

so dad got him up first to go look for eggs

karkat had never been so embarrassed

dad did not realize his embarrassment came from a sexual thing and that he was just being shy and said

GO AHEAD SON AND FILL IT, THERE IS NO REASON TO BE SHY IT’S JUST ME HERE. IF YOU WANT WE CAN FILL IT TOGETHER SINCE IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME

 john was woken up to the sound of karkat shrieking from inside the bathroom and dad profusely apologizing

telling him it was for the candy he hid in the yard and he doesn’t have to be upset about throwing the bucket at dad’s face even if it was bruised to almighty hell

karkat wound up having to give dad a talk about the birds and the bees

through the door

and neither of them could make direct eye contact for a week

john was laughing about everything

escl-uwu

johnkat story time

escl-uwu:

Imagine that sometimes during the spring season karkat has these awful wet dreams when he’s all laid out on top of john and he leaks all over john’s pyjamas 

also all over the sheets

and it’s really sticky

imagine john getting upset

'karkat I have not had to deal with getting horrible red stains out of clothes for too long man we have to fix this now'

karkat of course is like

'JOHN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT I HAVEN'T TRIED ALREADY'

john shows him what menstruation pads are 

karkat is like wow what a useless human thing why would I ever need this???

but then he gets quiet about it the next morning and waits for john to get up

'JOHN THIS IS CHEATING AT LIFE'

John just laughs at him

karkat winds up wearing liners in his underwear on a regular basis too because he is a drippy mess and has ruined a lot of pants that way

he is very pleased about being able to get a little handsy in public without having a red splotch in his pants

escl-uwu

escl-uwu:

escl-uwu:

escl-uwu:

escl:

everlind:

escl:

everlind:

escl:

escl:

sometimes I think it would be really cute if roxy and dirk called jane 

'jc'

and for dave to get really upset that she won’t let him call her that

but rose can call her that too

she won’t let dave call her jc because he called her jc penny the first time they met and she made a ’ i’m going to stab you with a fork’ noise

also dave told her he could call him ds

but she said I already have a ds and decided she would just call him david to upset him

rose high fived her under the table for that

roxy snorted

dirk laughed

dave was upset

'that's not my name'

she doesn’t care

’ i’m going to stab you with a fork’ noise <= *wheezing laughter*

Ah Dave, Jane’s game is way too strong for you buddy. Just roll over and admit it.

dave is trying his hardest to  be cool/ make her like him

dave is a weak turnip and jane is trying to toughen him up into rutabaga

by giving him the worst of her pranksters gambit

'david you are simply imagining all the scary murder piano music when you go to the restroom in the middle of the night'

' I would never try to scare you david'

'4 am is when I regularly get up to sharpen my knives david, DS usually joins me :B'

"dave is a weak turnip and jane is trying to toughen him up into rutabaga" omfg, are you trying to kill me?

HomestuckDave asking Johnto go with him to the bathroomin the middle of the night,dude your hot momis really hot but also scaryhalp

david would never ask john for help

john would join jane in the creepy piano music

every new bottle of aj would have the seal removed

he would not like him hitting on his hot mom

he hit on his own hot mom

he is banned from hot moms

even if john’s hot mom smells like sweet apple pie and vanilla ice cream

he has a fear boner

david isn’t even a turnip, he’s a tumbleweed now

gotta work his way back up to turnip

he wants to mac his way up to apple status but jane is very firm about not letting him get any legs up

she is mostly messing with him because he forgot to apologize

roxy wants to help, but is laughing to hard

dirk fist bumps jane whenever dave slinks away because dave must earn her affection

that’s like 4/5 hats right there on the dadbro meter of lessons that need to be taught

rose does not want anything to do with that unit of measurement

jc slowly begins to stand for JESUS CHRIST instead of Jane Crocker towards the end of this charade

when this is all over and jane starts calling dave dave again

if dave gets too chummy she purposely calls him by the wrong name to knock him down a few pegs

calls him dean

dave cries 

no but seriously jane would get dave every time and everyone would laugh

'Jane I am so glad that we are friends now'

"I am also glad that we are friends dean’

'it's dave'

" I’ll try to remember that next time dallas"

'………'

escl-uwu
everlind:


"If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rainAnd the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagneIf you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the capeYou’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me and escape”

OHMYGOSHohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmyGOSH
Holy frickinstick those lush lines augh Karkat’s torso no, no, you went too far, it’s too sexy too perfect too HNG I love everything about it why can’t I bury my face in this art and just fucking drown why isn’t that a thing?! Their smiles, oh you stupid idiots you’re so in love I don’t know how to deal all smiling blushing faces closes and hands holding all MINE
*overheats*

everlind:

"If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me and escape”

OHMYGOSHohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmyGOSH

Holy frickinstick those lush lines augh Karkat’s torso no, no, you went too far, it’s too sexy too perfect too HNG I love everything about it why can’t I bury my face in this art and just fucking drown why isn’t that a thing?! Their smiles, oh you stupid idiots you’re so in love I don’t know how to deal all smiling blushing faces closes and hands holding all MINE

*overheats*

everlind
everlind:


said affectionately of course 

My brain is going: AAAAAAAAAAAJANJDZAJDKABZDKABZAKDBZKABZ *pointing wildly*My mouth is going: *hangs there uselessly*
oh man. I just. You know. Wow. So many things I adore all of the things but naked cuddling and their different body types and and Karkat’s tattoos and their hair and Karkat’s EXPRESSION MAN of hell yes and Karkat’s hand on John’s back and John’s hand in Karkat’s hair and did I mention the naked cuddling, did you know naked cuddling is a massive thing for me? Well now you do, it’s the biggest thing for me oh god thankyouthankyouthankyou &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3

everlind:

said affectionately of course 

My brain is going: AAAAAAAAAAAJANJDZAJDKABZDKABZAKDBZKABZ *pointing wildly*
My mouth is going: *hangs there uselessly*

oh man. I just. You know. Wow. So many things I adore all of the things but naked cuddling and their different body types and and Karkat’s tattoos and their hair and Karkat’s EXPRESSION MAN of hell yes and Karkat’s hand on John’s back and John’s hand in Karkat’s hair and did I mention the naked cuddling, did you know naked cuddling is a massive thing for me? Well now you do, it’s the biggest thing for me oh god thankyouthankyouthankyou <3<3<3